Weight ...

 

Well, it finally happened. My grandfather died this weekend.

 

On one hand, I'd have loved to have him around much much longer. On the other hand, I know that his life had changed drastically. He was in pain from the Lung Cancer, and he was still adjusting to a life of laying in bed most of the day, and not being as active as he'd been all his life.

 

I feel like such a large weight has been lifted from me. I was his Power of Attorney. I loved being there for him, and making sure that he was treated well. I loved spending the past few months at his side comforting him, and also learning from him. He was a great example of a small-town southern man. If I could be a little more like him, I might be worth keeping around! However, it was also such a burden to walk around with the weight of not knowing if he'd be there the next day. If there were times that I couldn't make it to see him, I was constantly worried that something would happen and I would feel guilty for not being there.

 

Moreover, I felt such a pull to take care of him, because that's what my mother would be doing for him if she were here. I owed her so much, and it pained me to lose her without being able to tell her what she meant to my life. I had all-but abandoned her in her last few years because I was trying to live my own life. I didn't realize that my life was eternally pinned to hers. She helped to make me who I am.

 

Losing my grandfather was my last link to her. To know that I did right by him, makes me feel like I ultimately did right by her, too. And that is part of the weight that has been lifted from me. I love them both, and will always miss them both.

 

In the end, I got it right. Rest in peace.