Fighting Myself ...

 

I'm tired of fighting myself. I know I have every reason to be happy with where my life is, but it's just so hard to stop beating myself up. I have to learn to accept the hand I've been dealt, and quit wondering what could've been, etc. I am happy where I'm at ... when that voice in my head is not bothering me. I think that's why I drink ... to get that voice to shut up. The problem is that sometimes the liquor makes that voice even stronger.

 

I'm kind of in a place right now, where I don't want to talk to anyone other than my wife, who I really think understands me. I didn't think that before, but it's becoming more apparent these days that she actually does. How amazing! I've got to stop closing her out, and work to let her in further. I'm getting there, but it's a new trick for an old dog.

 

Still not sure why I'm blogging all of this, but it does seem to help to see my thoughts in print.

 

Who knows?